Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who beat/abuse their significant other. Battering most often occurs between a man and a woman but is also seen in gay men and women. If the person has three or more of the characteristics listed below, there is a STRONG potential for physical violence. The more signs the person has, the more likely they are a batterer. In some cases, a batterer may have only a couple of behaviors, but they are very exaggerated (for example, they may start out mild and get more and more severe).
1.Jealousy (can range from questioning the victim about who she talks to, accusing her of flirting, being jealous of time spent with friends and family, to calling her frequently during the day, dropping by unexpectedly, refusing to let her work for fear she will meet someone else, etc.)
2.Controlling Behaviors (may tell her they are concerned for her safety at first, will be angry when she comes home late from the store or an appointment, will question her closely about where she went and who she talked to. As it gets worse, may not let her make personal decisions, may keep all the money, may make her ask permission to leave the house, etc.)
3.Quick Involvement (many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together. The abuser often comes on like a whirlwind claiming things like 'You're the only person I could ever talk to' or I've never felt loved like this by anyone. He will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship and try to make them feel guilty if they try to slow down or break off the relationship)
4.Unrealistic Expectations (abusive people will often expect their partner to meet all their needs-the perfect wife, mother and friend)
5.Isolation (abusive person tries to cut off the victim from all resources, including family and friends. If she has male friends, she's a whore. If she has female friends, she's a lesbian. If she's close to her family, she's tied to the apron strings.)
6.Blames others for problems (if chronically unemployed, the abuser may say everyone is out to get him. He may make mistakes and blame them on the woman for upsetting him/keeping him from concentrating. He may tell the woman that anything that goes wrong is her fault)
7.Blames others for feelings (will tell the woman 'You make me mad'or 'You are hurting me by doing what I don't want you to do')
8.Hypersensitivity (abuser is easily insulted and takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks-may rant and rave about the injustice of things that have happened)
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